Raising (Almost) Responsible Children

Recently, I was reading an article for moms and after I finished reading it I felt like I was raising (almost) responsible children. In it, the author was discussing the importance of teaching our children responsibility. While I could not agree more, I also found myself feeling a little unworthy in the “teaching responsibility” department as I read what happened inside their home: three lunch packing, breakfast making, dish cleaning, charity volunteering, church going, paid job’s teenagers all living under one roof.

My first reaction was mom guilt!

I have what I consider relatively responsible teenagers, but they don’t fit into the resume above.

My second reaction was,

“I hope the articles I write, the classes I teach and the classes I give don’t add to the guilt that moms already feel.”

Being a parent is difficult. Hearing how perfectly someone else is doing it can make it more difficult. It is important for us to know what the research says, but also know that research and the real world are two vey different things. Look at the research, try your hardest to implement it and if you fail, breathe and try again.

Here is the deal. Our goal is to raise responsible children as they move into the adult world, but we also don’t need to beat ourselves up for our imperfections, our weaknesses or our struggles in parenting.

Sometimes we…

• are too tired to enforce chores.
• feel bad that our child is so over-scheduled and we help pack his or her lunch.
• clean our child’s room because it is so dirty we know the floor might never be seen again
• take that forgotten assignment to school because we know he or she will get a failing grade if we don’t.

Cut yourself some slack and start again the next day.

If your children are doing absolutely nothing and you are doing everything, first ask yourself why. There are many reasons we do too much for our kids and understanding the why behind it is important.

One of the easiest ways to teach responsibility is to use a checklist which you can read about on my Today Show Parenting Team article, Using Checklists to Teach Responsibility. As long as you are moving forward and trying to enforce rules and routines you are making progress.

Don’t beat yourself up for not being perfect, but keep striving for perfection. There is a difference. Our goal is to raise responsible children, but we also need to be gentle on ourselves when we fall through the cracks.

For more parenting read my book, The Parenting Backpack.