It is not unusual to be the exhausted mama, but there are things you can do to help yourself feel more in the moment and be a better mom. Enjoy my latest Ask Susie G. article, The Exhausted Mama.

Ask Susie G.

Dear Susie,

My life feels out of control! I have four kids under 10 and there are days I feel like I might explode. I follow you on social media and I have heard you talk about the bounce back and forth between anger and guilt. That is me! I feel like I am either angry or guilty all the time. When my husband comes home, I am cranky and tired and just want to crawl into bed. I am not being the mom I hoped I would be! Help, help, help!

From.

Exhausted Mama

My Response:

Dear Exhausted Mama,

If it makes you feel any better, I was an exhausted mama for many years! What I like to remind moms with a gaggle of kiddos your ages, YOU ARE IN IT! There will come a time when that will change, so until then, cut yourself some slack!

Because you are IN IT, the craziness will continue, but there are ways to ease the craziness of parenting and it starts with the prep work. Below I am going to share with you part of the introduction to my book DiddleDots and then I will meet you at the bottom to share a few more thoughts…

DiddleDots:

We all know what it takes to run a successful company or be a strong employee: hard work, organization and delegation. This should be the same in your home. You are the teacher of your classroom, the CEO of your family, the secretary of your office. You are in charge and if you fall apart, everything falls apart.

Can you imagine if you walked into a meeting as the CEO of a company with nothing prepared? What about starting your day as a teacher with no lesson plans? How about botching up all the messages that clients left for your boss? How long do you think you would last in your position? Not very long!

“Day after day, moms around the country start off with a tap, tap, tap from their children saying, “Wake up, I am hungry!” The day has started and nothing is prepared.”

Moms need to make sure everyone is dressed (including themselves), feed hungry bodies (including the dog), pack a different lunch for each child (as well as a snack and water bottle), make sure hair and teeth are brushed, see if backpacks are filled with homework from the night before, check if signatures are where they need to be and hope shoes are on the right feet and tied. The children are fighting, clothes are missing and milk is spilling all over the place. Moms run out the door with a sink full of dirty dishes (if they even make it that far), race to school and drop off the kids with a “Hurry, you are going to be late!” The kids are a wreck, the mom is stressed and it is only 8:00am.

There was a time in my life where this scenario was not that farfetched. In what seems like the blink of an eye I had three children under the age of six and everything was spiraling out of control. Laundry was piled up all over the house, I could never find what I was looking for and showers were a rarity—I just wasn’t happy.

Seven years earlier I had been a successful teacher running an organized, happy classroom of twenty-something first graders and now my small classroom of three seemed to be crumbling before my eyes. Where had I lost control and could I get any of my sanity back?

When I was working on my teaching degree, one of my professors told me…

“The more classroom management I had the less behavioral problems I would deal with.”

If this worked in my classroom, why could it not work in my home? Things began to change. Along with help from family, friends and counselors I slowly began picking up the pieces of my life.

I started bringing the techniques I had used as a teacher into my home and before I knew it the laundry was getting done, things were no longer lost, showers became a priority and I was happier.

“I had become a teacher again and although life was still crazy, it was not out of control.”

We are parenting during a time like no other in history. Often, it feels as if someone hit the fast forward button and it stuck. We have become a nation obsessed with technology, fast food and quick fixes. We are over-scheduled, under-valued and exhausted. At the end of the day it is easier to watch reality television, read about others on Facebook or catch up on the latest Hollywood gossip than deal with our own lives.

“Like it or not, it is affecting our children.”

Parents are doing their best to raise happy, healthy and respectful children, but society is making that very challenging.

While it would be unfair to make a blanket statement, I do think it is fair to say that more and more children are throwing temper tantrums at older ages, dealing with depression and self-esteem issues and just looking unhappier than in generations past… (To read more and learn more about DiddelDots click-here).

I share this to emphasize your role as mom. It is a BIG job and we need to treat it that way, but it is easy to get overwhelmed in the emotions and exhaustion. If we can organize our home and set it up like a classroom, we can then focus on what shifts we need to make to work through the anger and the guilt.

Here are a few tips to get you started…

Organize your home! Our kids need structure to thrive and if our home is disorganized getting to a place of structure is difficult. The book I recommend is The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. It really is life-changing in the world of organization!

Once your home is organized, turn it into a classroom. Successful classrooms are like a well-oiled machine. This doesn’t happen by accident. Teachers often set their classrooms up to help their students succeed. Children know what is expected, they know where to find what they need and they know where to put things. My book DiddleDots is filled with tips to help you do this.

Last but not least, it is time for YOU to get ready. Parenting is all about finding the natural balance between nurture and structure, but our own insecurities and ego often put us in a place of anger and guilt. This keeps us from the nurture and the structure.

In my book The Parenting Backpack, I will take you step by step through the process of understanding this and I will give you the specific tools you need to help find that balance. Less anger and guilt and more nurture and structure.

Take a deep breath! As they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day. With any change comes patience, time and practice. Parenting is hard and it is hard for a reason, but taking the time to make small changes creates the big changes that you are looking for.

For more information on anything you read above, join me at www.susiegarlick.com for everything parenting!

Sending you good thoughts and parenting love,

Susie G.