The Difference Between Being Organized and Being Controlling
What is the difference between being organized and being controlling when it comes to parenting? Read below to find out…
The Difference Between Being Organized and Being Controlling
There is a difference between having an organized home and being an organized parent and being a controlling parent. Organization is about creating a home where structure is provided, and responsibility is instilled. Control is about creating perfection to protect our own insecurities. Knowing and understanding the difference is crucial to parenting.
Children need structure.
Structure comes from the rules and routines we set up in our home. To create this structure, we must provide an environment that allows for it. Organizing our home is the first step to creating structure. So, we clear the clutter, and we set up our home like a classroom—a place for everything and everything in its place.
We must remember, however, that organized homes get messy! Raising kids is messy! Messy is good, but it becomes what we do with the mess that is important. This is when the structure kicks in; setting up rules and routines is important. We let the mess happen, and then we teach our children how to clean up the mess.
This is how we teach our children to be responsible.
Control, on the other hand, has nothing to do with providing structure, setting up rules and routines, or teaching responsibility; it has everything to do with our own insecurities. If we keep everything perfect on the outside, we do not need to look at what is happening on the inside. Control is not about teaching our children to clean up after the mess, it is about not letting the mess happen in the first place.
Children learn to take responsibility when raised in organized homes where messy is allowed, but clean-up is expected. Children raised in controlling homes where messy isn’t allowed and is seen as a fault, learn they are never good enough. They learn to equate love to behavior.
If you are organized and can handle the mess, wonderful. If you are controlling and find yourself looking for perfection, don’t beat yourself up. Control is how we protect the pain we are feeling inside. It is a coping skill. Be gentle with yourself, and then begin looking at what you are protecting inside. Awareness is the first step to making a difference in your life and in the lives of your children.
For more parenting read my book, The Parenting Backpack.