Our Children Need to Hear Us Say No

Our Children Need to Hear Us Say No

Effective parenting involves rules and boundary setting.  When we give our children rules, we are saying to them,

“I love you enough to not be liked by you right now.”

It is hard to set strong boundaries because children are REALLY good at guilting us into getting whatever they want. Why wouldn’t they? If they know mom and dad might give in, they will do and say whatever it takes to create the change they want.

Have you ever heard…

“I hate you!”

“You are the worst mom ever!”

“Everyone has a nicer mom than me.”

Guilt, guilt, guilt! And it works, especially if you are a permissive parent. Instead of setting a boundary,  you give in because you don’t want your child upset with you.

But here is the part that so many miss, when we set rules to keep our children safe, they might not like us in the moment, but inside they know we are protecting them because we love them. In those moments, we do two things: we point their internal compass north, so they learn to care of themselves, and we fill them with a sense of security. We are saying,

“I have your back until you know how to protect yourself.”

So, if you set a rational rule to protect your child, STICK WITH IT! If your fourteen-year-old wants to go to a party where you know the kids are older and alcohol will be served, you can say no. If your eleven-year-old wants to ride his bike without a helmet, you can say no. If your ten-year-old wants Instagram because everyone else has it, you can say no. And, when they are old enough to make their own choices, you will have given them the tools they need to make good choices, and you will have given them the security to do so.

For more information on this and more, click here to learn about Susie’s new book, The Parenting Backpack.