Letting Go of the “What Ifs”

As I write this, I am getting ready to head to New York with my oldest daughter to help move her into her new apartment. As you read this, she will be starting her first day at her new job, and I will be boarding a plane back to Phoenix with my new official title: Empty Nester.

What a strange time of life!

I literally can’t wrap my head around the fact that I became a mom over 27 years ago, and now all three of my children are fully functioning humans whom I genuinely enjoy and would choose as friends, even if I hadn’t birthed them myself!

I remember being a young mom with so many fears. What if they aren’t happy? What if life is hard on them? What if they mess up? What if I mess them up? What if the sky starts falling? What if, what if, what if?

I wanted to control all those what ifs because the alternative felt scary. But here’s the irony: as hard as I tried to control them, they still happened. And guess what? My kids turned out just fine!

There were times they weren’t happy. Life was hard on them. They messed up. I messed up. And somehow, we all made it through.

Looking back, I wish I had shifted my lens from “what if” to “when.”

• My kids will be sad ANDthey will be happy.
• Life will be hard for them ANDlife will be beautiful.
• They will mess up ANDthey will make great choices.
• I will mess up ANDI will be a wonderful mom.

Both can be true.

So now, as I watch my daughter launch into this next chapter, I see things differently for her and her siblings.

• They will struggle at times ANDthey will kick ass.
• They will walk through sadness ANDthey will find incredible joy.
• They will experience disappointment and heartbreak ANDthey will feel excitement, wonder, and awe.

Because that is life. It’s not a matter of if these things will happen, but when.

And when life happens, I will be there when they need me. A soft place to land when things get tough AND their biggest cheerleader in their moments of joy.

What an incredible privilege it has been to raise these three humans. And what a blessing that I now get to watch them live their lives.

Maybe that's what this next chapter of motherhood is all about. Not protecting them from every what if, but trusting that when life happens, they have what they need to find their way.

And so do I.